When the Mom's Away
by TVshowShipper
Summary: Why can't I just stay with Spencer and Carly?" "Do you not remember the last time I let Spencer take care of you?" "It was an accident!" "My mind is made up. You're staying with Ms Puckett." SEDDIE!
1. Prologue

When a dog pisses on your shoe, it's one thing, but when a human - much less a girl - pisses on your shoe, it's different. "SAM!" I shout, but the girl continues, ignoring me until she's done her business. "Carly!" I complain.

"_Carly!_" She teases. I guess it's pretty reasonable. I have been complaining to Carly a lot recently. We share a glare but keep walking. It's a skill we have developed and probably will never lose since we do it pretty often. Then this happens: I trip over a bike-rack. How does that happen? My peripheral vision is usually awesome! How could I miss _that_?" Sam stands above me with her usual smirk. "Later, Fredweird," she says and walks off.

"Wait 'til I get my hands on you, Puckett!" I scream after her, but am tangled up in quite the unlikely situation. Carly rolls her eyes and helped me up. "Thanks."

"You two just can't get along." She shook her head causing her brown hair to toss after her. Man, I love her hair. It's so soft and shiny and perfect. Just like Carly. Except, Carly may not be so shiny, you know?

"And we probably never will in our lives," I reply matter-of-fact'ly. I plan to escape this girl when I grow up by going to a college _far far away _from here, even if Carly stays in Seattle. You see, I have two things worth escaping that completely override the Carly part of Seattle. Sam and my mom. I would say anti-tick lotion, but that kind of falls under the mom category. Those two girls should be locked up. One in prison, the other in the whack shack; need I explain which is which? You've already seen what I go through with Sam, but - believe it or not - my mom is much worse.

"You coming over?" Carly asks when we get to Bushwell.

"Nah, I have to sterilize my shoe." I say, kicking my left foot as if it were poisonous. I guess, in a way, it is.

"You're still wearing that?" She sounds disgusted.

"Well it's not like I was going to _carry _it! Gross!" I shutter at the thought. That's the Sam piss shoe, and I was going to kick it off as soon as I got home and say "Mom, I stepped in a puddle." She'll be on those things like there was no tomorrow. And that was exactly what happened when I entered the door.

"Oh! They smell like dog urine! What did you get into?"

"I don't know," I lied. "I was just walking down the road with Carly and Sam when-"

"Well, let me just take these, and I have to ask you something. About Sam." My mom picked the shoes up. Bare-handed!

I chuckled under my breath and replied, "What about Sam?"

My mom had put my shoes in the washer and came to sit beside me. "Sit up, Freddie. Remember the rule?"

I sigh and sit up. "So what do you want to ask me?"

"Does Sam have a mother?"

"Yeah, kind of." My ears are wide open with curiosity. "Why?"

"Is her mom usually home."

"From what I've heard, yes. Why?"

"And you and Sam get along, right?"

"... Why?"

"Well..." She looks away nervously. "Freddie, I'm going out of town for a business meeting." She pauses there.

"You have a business?" I ask.

"And I was going to ask Sam's mother if she'd watch you over the course."

"WHAT!" I stand up in pure shock that my mother would even suggest such a thing. This is crazy even for her! "Why can't I just stay with Spencer and Carly?"

She stands up now just to remain taller than me, but it's a fail. "Fredward Benson! Do you not remember the last time I let Spencer take care of you?"

My plan deflates as I remember him locking Carly, Sam, and me in the furnace and leaving us there for about twelve hours. "It was an accident!" I complain, knowing all hope is lost. It was an accident. We weren't supposed to follow him down there, Carly had told us. He had gone to Groovy Smoothies, worked on his sculpture, then took a nap. He probably just thought we were acting like teenagers and leaving the "adult" out of it.

"My mind is made up. You're staying with Ms Puckett." My mom declares crossly.

I sigh, walk into my room, and begin banging my head on the wall. My life was about to come to an end.


	2. Prepare to meet your doom

After torturing myself with nightmares of Sam - much less her _mom _- I wake up and begin to pack. Somehow I feel like I'm going to military school. I wonder why? Did Sam know she would be getting a house guest? I hope she doesn't, because if she did she could've already thought of a million ways to kill me. If she found out when I arrived, she'd have to improvise. Neither options ended well for me, but the second one seemed less painful. The car ride was going too fast. "Drive slower," I call to my mom. That was the first thing I'd said to her all morning. Much to my dismay, the speed stays the same. I pull up at Sam's house. The house looked almost... normal... A little fence because a puppy was running around outside. A tire swing on a big climbing tree with a treehouse. White wooden panels, two stories with a balcony. In fact, it looked like a dream house. As we parked in the driveway, a girl in a tank top, and short -_ short _- Nike shorts came running up to our car. It was Sam.

"Hi!" She said giddily. "We're so glad to have you here!"

"Hello, Sam." My mom smiles at her.

"Oh, I'm Melanie. Sam's twin." She nods. "Ms. Benson, if you don't have to leave quite yet, would you like to come in for something to drink?"

"You're seriously still on this?" I asked the blonde girl.

"Oh, Freddie! I totally didn't recognize you!"

"Right... Sam."

"What, Fredjerk?" An exact replica of Sam stood next to the other Sam. They looked exactly the same. It was then I realized I was wrong. They were both wearing tank tops - Sam's green, Melanie's orange, the shorts - Sam's black, Melanie's white, and Melanie wore her hair in a ponytail. "Are you coming in or not?" She asks me.

"Ms. Benson?" Melanie piped up.

"Oh, I'm sorry, girls, but I really must be going." She smiles at them. "Goodbye, Freddie. I love you."

"Love you, too..." I mumble. Swinging my bag over my shoulder, I look at Sam. "I'm ready to die."

She smirks. "I'll tell Carly you love her." With that she goes to the tree and climbs up to the treehouse.

"Ignore her." Melanie rolled her eyes. "She's not to fond of... people."

"Darned if I know it." I say.

"Do you need any help with your bag?" Melanie asks.

"Nah, but what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at that boarding school?"

"If you knew your seasons, you'd know it was summer." She giggles. _Giggles_. Like a _girl _would. "Let me lead you to your room." I think I've found my favorite twin.

I walk through the house and it tells me that everything Sam ever said about her trashy mother was a lie, or the things she said about not having money were lies. The Pucketts were _rich_. There were huge rooms that looked like what you see in those magazines. _Sonya _was even there cooking up some lunch! "You guys are rich?" It came out like a weak question.

"No, we just have inheritance." Melanie said. "Our grandma was good friends with Marilyn Monroe." She explains.

"You guys are rich." I repeat.

Melanie rolls her eyes. "Oh! This is Sam's room. Let me just say, she gave me a black eye for going in there to borrow some underwear." Other than the fact that the good twin had just made me think of her underwear, it also made me think of what Sam would do to _me _if I went in there. I swallowed down a shutter and Melanie led me down the hall. "Here you go. This is the guest bedroom. My room's just across the hall. Feel free to drop by anytime." With that, Melanie was gone.

I sigh, drop my bag, and walk downstairs. A cute little adorable (the three adjectives are necessary) dog runs up and barks happily at me. For a moment, I forget everything but the pure joy of man's best friend. "Aww, aren't you a cute boy." I kneel down to pet him and he barks with approval. "That's a good boy."

"Hey!" An aggressive voice calls, and the dog runs to it. "You stay away from Fredweird okay, Bumbles." It was Sam. She was actually showing kindness towards a living creature! The dog barks a response then turns to me and growls. Wow, I'm not going to have a good time here... "Hey, Fredjerk. What do you want for dinner?"

"Is that a question or are you just asking so you can inter-"

"Shut up; we're having pork chops." She lived up to my expectations, as always. I glare at her, and she glares back. This time I _don't _trip over a bike rack. She stumbles over a chair, though.

"What goes around comes around." I smirk. Her glare turns into a glower - and there is a difference.

Melanie, trying to maintain peace, passes me a plate. "Here you go, Freddie. You're our _guest. _We treat our guests with _respect_." She enunciates the words with glances at Sam, who rolls her eyes.

"See why I hate her?" Sam says to the little dog, Bumbles, who is fed a little piece of cut up meat. He scarfs it down as fast as Sam does. "Later dork and dumber." And she walks back outside. I wasn't sure where she classified me in that insult.

"Man, she's being a pain in the butt." I say to no one in particular, watching her leave.

"Don't say that too loudly, Freddie." Melanie hisses. "She's not out yet."

And Melanie's warning meant nothing to me - until I got attacked. My big mouth got the better of me, and I had said something along the lines of "That bitch can't hear me. She's too busy killing babies to listen to me." Turns out Sam does listen to me.

"What did you call me, Benson?" She's gripping the other side of the table.

I run for my life, and Sam comes screaming after me. "Leave me alone Sam!" I call and slam the door to my room, locking it afterward. If you thought I was attacked physically, you're wrong. I got attacked verbally because... well, let's just say it wasn't my room I had run into. And it was _Melanie _who had done the attacking.


End file.
